Dear Friends,

I never like wishing time away. I think I have mentioned this on numerous occasions here. However, this decade may be an exception. As a result, I thought I would spend this Tuesday’s AWT reviewing the decade from a DiCarlo family perspective.

One of my life policies is to get the bad news out of the way early. As a result, I thought I would disclose here that I am Tiger Wood’s nookie bookie. Tiger has come to me on numerous occasions (more than the currently disclosed fourteen) and asked me to secure willing women for him. The cue that sprung me into action was Tiger singing “I’m dreaming of a White Mistress.” While at the outset I took to my new job with zest, I quickly realized its baseness. As a result, the selection process suffered and my choices for Tiger most often came from the dregs of the gene pool. I offer my deepest and most sincere apologies for anyone I may have hurt along the way.

Since I am sharing bad news, there’s this. It was recently disclosed that Christine was notified that, despite her performance early in the decade, she will not be immortalized in the Shopping Hall of Fame (SHOF). Apparently, but unbeknown to me, Christine has not been putting up SHOF type of numbers over the past three years. She is taking this notification very personally and recently dented an old purse when she threw herself in front of a parked car.  I know you will continue to lovingly support Christine, as I do, while she goes through this most difficult and challenging time.

Another member of our family – Grover, our beloved Brussels Griffon Terrorist, has been with us for the last half of the decade and has yet to really experience the high life. As a result, all he does is sleep, eat and lick himself. We are extremely concerned that this type of behavior may be habit forming and have scheduled a preliminary appointment with noted dog psychiatrist, Doctor Iwanna Bleedu-Dry. After consulting with Dr. Bleedu-Dry, we decided that the 100 session pricing on a per session basis was most economical. We’re hoping that soon Grover will be able to read and write. Wish us luck!

In 2oo7, we were hopeful that our Scotland project would bear fruit. It was such an amazing and unique project that even an idiot could make it a success. It turns out that we over estimated idiocy and the project failed famously. There was one benefit to failure, our reality TV series, Watching Wasserman Wallow, has been picked up by NBC to replace the Jay Leno Show. The pilot was an amazing success. We’re positively pleased as punch.

If everything goes as planned, Christine and I (and the sleeping, eating & licking, Grover) will finally relocate to our new mud hut in Jalalabad, Afghanistan on the Pakistan border. We have been talking about this move for the past 3 years and after considering, Flint MI, Bridgeport CT, Biloxi MS, Camden ME and Gary IN, we finally settled on Jalalabad because the name is so fun to say. (Djibouti came in a close second and Spitsbergen a distant third) The clincher for us was when we heard that Jalalabad has an active comedy scene. We will keep you apprised as we near the move date.

Early in 2000, I predicted correctly that the stock market would regularly go up and down. This incredible bit of prognostication has led me to consider some other new directions in life as I return from retirement and begin the job search.  Offers to predict the weather are pouring in. Yesterday, Farmers Almanac came calling. With our impending move, I may have to tell them that it would be a temporary position.

As 2010 beckons, Christine and I know that we can count on your continued support and love as we await the results of Grover’s testing, our impending move and the success of our reality tv show.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

Dourly,

The DiCarlos

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• Time for an AWT Good News Edition
• A New Decade AWT – I Feel Better Already
• AWT is on the Record
• An Old Year’s AWT. The New Decade on its Way.
• AWT Looks at Justice, Tiger and the Spiral Starecase